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| I love all things that pass: their briefness is Music that fades on transient silences. Winds, birds, and glittering leaves that flare and fall— They fling delight across the world; they call To rhythmic-flashing limbs that rove and race... A moment in the dawn for Youth’s lit face; A moment’s passion, closing on the cry— ‘O Beauty, born of lovely things that die!’ |
| You could be happy and I won't know But you weren't happy the day I watched you go And all the things that I wished I had not said Are played in loops till it's madness in my head Is it too late to remind you how we were But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur Most of what I remember makes me sure I should have stopped you from walking out the door You could be happy, I hope you are You made me happier than I'd been by far Somehow everything I own smells of you And for the tiniest moment it's all not true Do the things that you always wanted to Without me to hold you back, don't think, just do More than anything I want to see you go Take a glorious bite out of the whole world |
| And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone Perfect couldn't keep this love alive |
| Planning the upcoming Melb trip is making me nostalgic. And as I hunt for an acquaintance that I've been out of touch with since 2005, I realise that there are too darn many Ethan Wangs in the world, and around a hundred of them are on facebook. I can't even be absolutely psycho and post a photo asking for someone who recognises him to let me know how I can contact him, because with the laptop crash I lost all of my previous Australia trip photos, and with it the only evidence I had that I actually met the person. So the story is, I met said person through absolutely geeky means and subsequently, we met face to face in Melb, and he spent half a day taking me around. To commemorate our strange encounter, he had a street peddler make me a metal photo holder with my name bent into shape. Sounds all sweet and romantic huh? Except that it really wasn't. It was interesting at best. I remember it fondly though, because I've never done something so downright silly, and will probably never have the chance again. The photo holder is still sitting on my shelf after these years. It's a sweet reminder of the one strange day, and it makes me smile. The first meeting is a first impression, the second encounter seals a friendship. But I guess that's not gonna happen. |
| I still find it highly strange that my ten-year-old sister is texting me. I mean like, has she even learnt to spell "technology" yet? |
| Another wasted Friday night. I'm going to grow older 52 Friday nights at a time, feeling the way I always have. Trapped. |
I've recently kept asking my colleagues what makes them stay, and what would make them go. When do we hit the tipping point? Is it really true that everyone hates work and that people really press on only because they have no bloody choice? I've yet to find someone who really loves what they do, except, well, the baws... But that just makes me even more sure that I'm not cut out for this. Guess what, I think I'm in the wrong profession. I do not love what I do. I wake up every morning wishing I were free of my conscience and could just call in sick without feeling like a complete ass. I'm a typical product of the Singaporean education system, a cookie from the cutter, fresh off the conveyor belt that produces approximately 300 of me a year. I was really annoyed with the epiphany I had the other day when I realised that I turned out to be exactly what everyone expected of me, being a typical Singaporean who went through the rigours of our educational years without thinking out of the box. Never stepping out of line. Never daring to dream. I'm sure the me of yesteryear would be disappointed. And the me of today, well. I've constantly said I'll seriously start considering my options the coming year-end. But I really don't know if I can hold out that long. |
| Ok not really zero, but almost. Argh. My desire to have a peachy birthday month made me greedy. But now June's gonna be a shitty month. Bleargh. Tmrw will be a better day. |
| ..and you, and you, and you and you.. All of you. Maybe if I get out of this town, someone will be missing me instead. |
| I had a random flashback of orientation games in uni, and the faces of people smiling as they're speaking to me. People I hardly knew then, and still hardly know now. I guess when you're all in one place, the road ahead seems long enough and so you take for granted that you'll have forever to actually get to know each other. But there's never enough time, and before you know it, that part of life has passed you by and everyone slips away. Like actors making cameo appearances in your life, and having played their bit roles, quietly slip backstage as the lights dim on your youth. Ah. I really hate growing up. So many things I wish I could do all over again. |
I need to convince myself that there's nothing else I'd rather do, and that I'm not doing this just for the money. I'm not doing this just for the money. I'm not doing this just for the money. I'm not doing this just for the money... ....... Zzz. |
